St Beuno and a Poem to the Vagina April 20th


Drawing of a Stained glass window depicting Saint Beuno. D A R C 12345 – Own work

Today is St Beuno’s Day. St Beuno is also known as St Bono. He was an 8th Century Welsh Abbot of some power. The grandson of a prince of Powys in Wales who was descended from Vortigern. (see my post on Vortigern here.) Vortigern was a predecessor to King Arthur. Beuno was educated in Bangor Monastery, one of the foremost Celtic monasteries in Wales. During his ministry he restored 7 dead people to life including St Winifred (or Winefred).

Winifred & St Beuno

St Winifred’s Holywell, from Facebook.

She was Beuno’s niece, a virgin who refused the advances of a certain Caradog. Furious at her taking vows, Caradog tried to seduce her, but she refused. So, he chopped her head off.

Where her head landed a spring sprung amd became a holy spring.  The spot, in Flintshire is still called Holywell. It has been described as the Lourdes of Wales and one of my tours go past it that is how I heard about St Beuno.

Anyway the story goes that Beuno put his niece’s head back on her shoulders and restored her to life. How he did that, is a mystery.

From Facebook

She lived a full life with a brilliant Church career. Of course she is the patron of those who have suffered unwanted advances (but believe me there are many other candidates for that particular honour amongst the female Saints! Have a look at my post on St Agatha for another example of male sexual abuse.

Stained glass depiction of St Winifred, designed by William Burges, at Castell Coch, Cardiff. Wikipedia Hchc2009 – Own work

More on St Winefride’s on her feast day on 3rd November.

Medieval Powys, & Neglected Parts of the Female Anatomy

I drafted this in January, when I came across a reference to St Beuno in a fabulous exhibition at the British Library.  The show was called ‘Medieval Women – In their own Words’.

On display amongst the many wonderful manuscripts and books of the 11th – 15th Century was a Welsh poem.  The author was Gwerful Mechain (1460–1502), the only female medieval Welsh poet with a surviving and a substantial body of work. She is known for her erotic poetry, in which she praised the vulva among other things.

What is extraordinary is that I should, by complete chance, be publishing this the day after posting about the statue of the erect Minotaur! So, you can see how even-handed I am?

Here it is in full, in a modern translation:

To the Vagina by Gwerful Mechain

Every poet, drunken fool
Thinks he’s just the king of cool,
(Every one is such a boor,
He makes me sick, I’m so demure),
He always declaims fruitless praise
Of all the girls in his male gaze.
He’s at it all day long, by God,
Omitting the best bit, silly sod:
He praises the hair, gown of fine love,
And all the girl’s bits up above,
Even lower down he praises merrily
The eyes which glance so sexily;
Daring more, he extols the lovely shape
Of the soft breasts which leave him all agape,
And the beauty’s arms, bright drape,
Even her perfect hands do not escape.
Then with his finest magic
Before night falls, it’s tragic,
He pays homage to God’s might,
An empty eulogy: it’s not quite right:
For he’s left the girl’s middle unpraised,
That place where children are upraised,
The warm bright quim he does not sing,
That tender, plump, pulsating broken ring,
That’s the place I love, the place I bless,
The hidden quim below the dress.
You female body, you’re strong and fair,
A faultless, fleshy court plumed with hair.
I proclaim that the quim is fine,
Circle of broad-edged lips divine,
It’s a valley, longer than a spoon or hand,
A cwm to hold a penis strong and grand;
A vagina there by the swelling bum,
Two lines of red to song must come.
And the churchmen all, the radiant saints,
When they get the chance, have no restraints,
They never fail their chance to steal,
By Saint Beuno, to give it a good feel.
So I hope you feel well and truly told off,
All you proud male poets, you dare not scoff,
Let songs to the quim grow and thrive
Find their due reward and survive.
For it is silky soft, the sultan of an ode,
A little seam, a curtain on a hole bestowed,
Neat flaps in a place of meeting,
The sour grove, circle of greeting,
Superb forest, faultless gift to squeeze,
Fur for a fine pair of balls, tender frieze,
A girl’s thick glade, it is full of love,
Lovely bush, blessed be it by God above.

From: Gramich, Katie, Orality and Morality: Early Welsh Women’s Poetry, 2005, Cardiff University: Cardiff, pp. 8-9.
(http://www2.lingue.unibo.it/acume/acumedvd/Essays%20ACUME/AcumeGramichfinal.pdf)

Date: c1480 (original in Welsh); 2003 (translation in English) By: Gwerful Mechain (1462-1500) Translated by: Katie Gramich

For more about St Beuno https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beuno

First published on April 20th 2025

Vortigern April 2nd 1796

Bill for the 1796 play Vortigern and Rowena Public Domain Wikipedia

Vortigern was chosen as leader of Britannia immediately after the Romans withdrew in the early 5th Century AD. His name means Great Leader in Brittonic. He is one of the few leaders we know to be a real person in what used to be called the Dark Ages. We accept him as real, as he appears in the near contemporary source by the Monk Gildas.

However, very little is known of him except legends. He was associated with Merlin. Legend accuses him of betraying the British for the lust for Rowena. She was the daughter of the Saxon Leader Hengist. Whatever the truth of this, he continued the late Roman policy of hiring Germanic mercenaries. They were used to defend against the many barbarian threats to the Empire. The threats to Britain including the Picts, the Irish, and, of course the Saxons. The legends say that Hengist and Horsa were hired with their three ‘keels’ of Saxon mercenaries. In payment for services rendered, or for lust, Vortigern surrendered the sovereignty of Kent to the Saxons. Thus began the so-called ‘Adventus Saxonum’, and the destruction of the power of the Britons.

Kent and the Survival of pre-Saxon names

Medieval portrait of Vortigern

How much of this is ‘true’ we have no idea. But the name of Kent survives from the prehistoric, into the Roman. And unlike most tribal names survives to the modern day. This is probably because it was the first Roman Civitas to be taken over by the Saxons. Most likely still largely a working political unit. So it kept its name. The other Roman political units mostly lost their names in the anarchy of this period. Who now has heard of the Trinovantes, the Catuvellauni, or the Atrebates? The political boundaries from the Prehistoric period survived through the Roman period. But mostly did not survive the fall of Rome.

For more legends of this period look at my post

Vortigern & Rowena the Play

In 1796, a great cast at the Drury Lane Theatre, owned and managed by Sheridan, put on a newly discovered play by William Shakespeare. The cast included Kemble, Barrymore, and Mrs Jordan who was the mistress of Prince William (aka William III). Rumours swirled around about the authenticity of the play. Shakespeare was interested in Britain’s legendary history having written Cymberline and King Lear. But critics thought it was too simple to be genuine. Eventually, William Henry Ireland admitted he was the author.

‘A London Year’ by Travis Elborough and Nick Rennison has a great quote from a visit to the play. It took place on April 2nd 1796 and is recorded in Joseph Farington’s diary. Compare this description to your last polite experience at the Theatre.

Shakespeare’s forgery staged

Island’s play of Vortigern, I went to. Prologue, spoken in 35 minutes past six, play over at 10. A strong party was evidently made to support it, which clapped without opposition frequently through near three acts. When some ridiculous passages caused a laugh, which infected the house during the remainder of the performance, mixed with groans. Kemble requested the audience to hear the play out about the end of the fourth act, and prevailed. The epilogue was spoken by Mrs. Jordan, who skipped over some lines which claimed the play as Shakespeare’s

Barrymore attempted to give the play out for Monday next, but was hooted off the stage. Kemble then came on. And after some time, was permitted to say that ‘School for Scandal’ would be given, which the house approved by clapping.

Sturt of Dorsetshire was a Stage Box drunk and exposed himself indecently to support the play. And when one of the stage attendants attempted to take up the green cloth, Sturt seized him roughly by the head. He was slightly pelted with oranges. Ireland, his wife, a son and a daughter and two others were in the centre box at the head of the Pitt. Ireland occasionally clapped. But towards the end of the fourth act, he came into the front row and for a little time, leaned his head on his arm. And then went out of the box and behind the scenes. The Playhouse contained an audience that amounted to £800 pounds.

April 2nd 1796 from Joseph Farington’s Diary, (I have changed some of the punctuation.)

On This Day

Today is St. Urban of Langres Day.

He is the patron of Langres; Dijon; vine-growers, vine-dressers, gardeners, vintners, and coopers. And invoked against blight, frost, storms, alcoholism, and faintness. (www.catholic.org/saints/) But is also called upon to make maid’s hair long and golden.

On the feast of St Urban, (forsooth) maids hang up some of their hair before the image of St Urban, because they would have the rest of their hair grow long and golden.

Reginald Scott, the Discovery of Witchcraft, 1584. (Thanks to the Perpetual Almanac by Charles Kightly.) For more on Reginald Scott and Witches see my post.

1744 – First Golf Tournament. No, not at St Andrews but at Leith Links, Edinburgh.

First Published, 2nd April 2025